It's Gonna Be Just Fine
by Femslash Fetale
Summary: "But why?" Steven whipped his head around, gazing desperately at Connie. "Why wasn't it fun anymore? What happened to you, to us? Why did we feel like that?" Connie clenched her fists over her knees. Why couldn't Steven just leave it alone? Garnet was wrong; they didn't need to talk. They just needed to put it behind them and move on. Connie and Steven discuss Stevonnie.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I find it weird that Steven and Connie haven't even _mentioned_ their stint as Stevonnie. That's always been an episode that's kinda confused me, so this is my way of trying to make sense of it. _**Just a slight warning: theres a prettty detailed description of a panic attack in there, so if you think it might trigger you, I suggest you dont read it.**_ I'll put an indicator of when those descriptions start. I've personally have never had a panic attack myself, but I've asked around and I think I described it well enough. Let me know in a review! They are my manna. Enjoy the story.

It's Gonna Be Just Fine

_After their frantic and relieved dance at the party, they had slowly walked back to the Temple. Their happiness was suddenly replaced by a foreboding emptiness as soon as they left the abandoned building. They had walked in complete silence, not daring to look at each other. Once they arrived at the Temple, Connie climbed into Greg's van without a word or even a glance at Steven. She didn't even look back once they drove off. Luckily, the Gems weren't in Steven's room when he got in. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He just wanted to sleep. _

_That was nearly a month ago_, Steven thought as he cleaned his room. _Now she wants to hang out after ignoring me. _Steven tried calling her multiple times, but each attempt was met with the Maheswaran voicemail. Then yesterday, out of nowhere, she had called him and said that she had permission to come over his house the next day. Once he checked with the Gems and told Connie that it was okay for her to come over, she had hung up without a farewell. Steven wasn't sure how Connie felt about their...fusion incident, he wasn't even sure about his _own_ feelings, but he could tell that she wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. _They _weren't okay.

There was a knock on the door.

Steven shoved the rest of the junk in his room that he hadn't managed to organize under his bed, then ran down the stairs. "I'll get it!" He called, not even sure if the Gems were around to hear him. He opened the door and gave a shy smile. "Hi, Connie."

"Hi, Steven," she replied quietly, looking down as she toed the ground. A moment passed. "May...may I come in?"

Steven started, "O-oh, yeah, sure." He stepped to the side and allowed Connie inside.

They walked into the living room and sat on the couch. The Gems must have either been in their rooms or out somewhere, because it was just the two of them in the house. They sat quietly for a few minutes, neither able to look in the direction of the other for more than a few seconds. Finally, Connie broke the silence.

"I, um...I brought a book for you." She held up a book that he hadn't noticed in her hand. "Since I'm guessing you've finished the last one I gave you."

"Oh, thanks." Truthfully, he hadn't been able to focus on the book, or anything for that matter, since their…"experience". But he smiled and took the book from her anyway without further word.

They were immersed in silence once again, Steven staring down at the cover of his newest read and Connie staring at the table in front of them. They spent nearly ten minutes in this fashion, each of them occasionally trying to break the silence but failing to come up with something to say. Just as Steven opened his mouth to once again attempt a conversation the Warp Pad glowed brightly. Once the light dissipated they were able to see Garnet standing with a bubbled gem floating above her hand. "Hello, Steven, Connie."

"Hi, Garnet," they replied meekly.

Garnet touched the top of the bubble and it fazed out of their vision. "What's wrong?"

Steven and Connie glanced towards each other, accidentally locking gazes for a moment. They quickly looked away. "N-nothing," Steven replied. "Nothing at all."

Garnet walked over and stood in front of the table. She looked at them behind her glasses, the seemingly blank stare unnerving them. Garnet adjusted her glasses. "Y' aren't a very good li'ah "

Steven and Connie looked away guiltily.

Garnet placed her hands on her hips. "Is this abou' Stevonnie?" Their silence was enough of an answer for her. She sighed. She had been so excited and happy for Steven, but he wasn't ready. She looked at Connie who had pulled her knees up to her a chin. And she certainly wasn't ready. "I'm not going t' ask what happened," she said, turning back towards the Temple door. "But whatever it was, you _need_ to talk abou' it. Ignorin' it won't help." And with that, she walked into her room.

Steven and Connie glanced at each other again, but this time they held the gaze. After nearly a minute Steven finally spoke. "It was fun being fused...for awhile."

"Yeah," Connie said, looking back down. "For awhile."

"So," Steven looked towards the front door. It was bright a sunny outside, not at all the type of day you would expect to have an emotional conversation on. "What happened?"

Connie shrugged. "It stopped being fun."

"But why?" Steven whipped his head around, gazing desperately at Connie. "Why wasn't it fun anymore? What happened to you, to _us_? Why did we feel like that?"

Connie clenched her fists over her knees. Why couldn't Steven just _leave it alone_? Garnet was wrong; they didn't need to talk. They just needed to put it behind them and move on. "I don't know, okay? H-how did you like the ending of the book?"

Steven felt a rare surge of anger pass through him. "I haven't _gotten_ to the ending because I've been too _worried_ about _you_! What happened at the party? Why did we freak out like that?"

Connie dropped her head on top of her knees, bringing her hands up to cover her ears. _Stop it, stop it, _stop it. "Nothing, it was nothing!"

**(A/N: tw: description of a panic attack.) **Steven clenched his fists. "Don't tell me it was nothing, Connie! I _felt_ it! It didn't feel like _nothing_ it felt like _everything_! Like everything was crashing around me and I couldn't do anything but stand and watch! It felt like I was drowning, except- except there was plenty of air b-but I just couldn't breathe! We were- we were falling but we were r-running but we were _standing still_! I'd _never_ felt like that before, Connie." He sniffed, tears beginning to roll down his face. His anger suddenly wilted, giving way to the confusion and fear that was driving it. "I was scared. I still am." Steven looked over at Connie. She hadn't uncurled from her ball on the couch. He could notice that she was faintly shaking, and if he listened hard enough he could hear her sniffling just like him. "Connie?"

Connie was pulling the hair near her ears so hard that it hurt. _But that's good,_ she thought. _Sometimes pain helps. Just focus on how it hurts. _Steven didn't understand he just _didn't understand_, and how could he. He could dance in front of people without having a breakdown; he was freer than her. He was better than her. Now because of her he would always be able to recall the feeling of her panic attacks. The irrational fear, the sick feeling in your stomach, the pounding in your head…

Connie felt the world dip and melt around her. Her breathing had quickened, but she didn't feel like she was getting any air. _Oh no, _she thought. _No, no ,no, no, no, no, no… _She pulled her hair harder. She had to get a hold of herself. She couldn't do this again, not here, not in front of _him_. What would Steven think of her if he saw her-? **(A/N: And this is where it ends.)**

_What does it matter,_ a bitter, sinister voice asked in her mind. A voice that sounded eerily like her mother. _He already thinks you're pathetic, worthless. He saw who you really are when two of you fused and he _hated _what he saw. He hates _you_! He doesn't want to be your friend anymore, how could he? He's just too _nice _to say it. You should just put both of you out of your misery and leave. Leave and never come back! He'll be better off without you. And you'll be fine. You're used to being alone. You _deserve _to be al-._

There was music playing.

Connie looked up, her death grip on her hair loosening slightly. Steven was sitting on the floor to her right in front of the couch with his ukulele in his lap. He strumming soft and hesitant chords, staring down at his fingers.

They sat and listened to Steven's playing, the melody directionless and improvised at first. Then the half-Gem looked up at his best friend and the chords suddenly had purpose. Connie was trapped in his unusually intense gaze. Her tears returned with a vengeance when he began to sing:

_If I could begin to be _

_Half of what you think of me_

_I could do about anything_

_I could even learn how to love_

_When I see the way you act_

_Wondering when I'm coming back _

_I could do about anything_

_I could even learn how to love like you..._

Steven kept his gaze on Connie, even when she turned away with a light blush on her cheeks. He hadn't originally planned on singing that song to her, but he thought that it might help. He had faint memories of hearing the song before, once. Though he couldn't place the voice...

"I'm sorry."

Steven tilted his head. "What are you apologizing for?"

"For...," Connie swallowed, her throat feeling dry. "For the party. For you having to...feel that. It was my fault, I...I freaked out."

"Does...does it happen a lot?"

Connie shrugged.

"Does it always feel that bad?"

Connie shrugged again. "Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse."

Steven gasped. "Worse?!"

Connie nodded. This was it. This was the moment she had always dreaded but always knew would come. The moment Steven realized that he was better off without her. That she was too broken for him to fix, no matter how much healing spit he used.

"Did it happen just now?"

"Yeah," she answered, her dry face becoming home to one more tear of shame.

There was a moment of silence. Connie prepared herself for the rejection.

"Did me singing help?"

Connie thought for a moment. "Yeah," she said, surprise clear in her voice. "Yeah, it did."

"Then you can call me next time it happens."

"W-what?"

Steven climbed back on to the couch, sitting so that his arm was nearly touching Connie's. "What I felt, what you feel, it's scary when you go through it alone. I won't let you be alone. You can call me anytime and I'll answer, and we can sing together, okay?"

He was smiling at her. Actually smiling! But...but..."Why?"

Steven looked confused again. "Because you're my best friend."

_You're my best friend. _

_**You're my best friend. **_

Connie pulled Steven into a fierce hug, the stupid tears rolling down her face again. She was shocked that a person so pure and special could actually care about her. She didn't deserve it.

But she was going to spend all of her time earning it.

Connie sat back and wiped her eyes.

"So," Steven said with a quiet chuckle. "No more fusing, huh?"

Connie chuckled too. "Not for awhile, but...maybe someday."

"It's fine," he replied. "Pearl and I had a..._talk_ a little while ago and she said that nobody has to do anything they aren't ready for."

"Oh, okay. Well..." She looked at the table where the book was now resting. "Are you ready to finish reading that book and start on this one?"

Steven was instantly excited. "Yeah! Will you read them to me?"

"Sure!"

The two friends dashed up the stairs to Steven's room. He reached underneath his bed and pulled out the book ("Why was it under there?" "Oh, uh, no reason.") and handed it to Connie.

Three hours and seven chapters later, Garnet exited the Temple to check on the duo. When she saw and heard no trace of the two, she climbed the stairs to Steven's bedroom. She paused when she could finally see them. Connie was sitting on the floor, back propped against the foot of the bed and arm encircling Steven's back. Steven was nearly in her lap with his arms wrapped around her waist. Garnet quietly walked over and slipped a book out of Connie's loose grip. She pulled the blanket off of Steven's bed and placed it over them. As she walked back downstairs, she allowed a small grin to grace her lips. Those two were going to be just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This isn't a second chapter, but I felt compelled to respond to a review from Guest. I'm really glad that you liked the story, and I'm beyond glad that this story actually helped you in some way. As Steven said, no one should have to go through their troubles alone. So if you, or anyone, ever feel like you need to talk or rant or whatever, my inbox is always open. ^_^


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